you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
