I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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