I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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