The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
