She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i out mim tonsoeep
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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