I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
