Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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