3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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