After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
