I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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