I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
