You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
