Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
