The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
