Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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