The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
