Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
