Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
