There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
