come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
