4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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