dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
