I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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