My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
