Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
