He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
love makes seman taste better
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
