Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
