ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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