just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
