On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
