I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
