i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
