He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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