He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize