I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
