I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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