He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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