Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
