A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
