Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
