C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We're hate flirting, damnit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
