OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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