He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
