OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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