drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
