my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
