I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
