Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Send help, water and tortillas.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
