Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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