Do vagina's smell?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
