Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
