Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
