Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
