If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
