haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
