Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
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Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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