I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
