I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
