the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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