I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
