girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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