I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
