We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
