wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
