After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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