she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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