You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
