I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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