I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
